Saturday, November 16, 2013

Celebrity Weight Loss Ads

Oh man I am so fucking sick of these. Ads telling me if I drink this concoction that tastes like cat piss mixed with fermented tuna juice I'll look like Beyonce, if I eat this bar that looks like fossilised poo and tastes like cardboard I'll look like Jennifer Anniston, if I take this pill that's big enough to be swallowed by a whale I'll look like Kim Kardashian, STOP IT, JUST FUCKING STOP IT. Because it's absolute bullshit, there's no way if I do any of all of these things that I'll look like any or all of those people. These people are a.) paid millions of dollars to spruik this shit, b.) they have millions of dollars to help them lose weight.  Even if I schlepped my arse to the gym for 6 hours every day and only ate lettuce and became a shell of my former self I'm not going to look like them, not unless I had lots of surgery which I'm not going to do because I'm sure I'd still find things I'm unhappy about and also I'm poor.

They have millions of dollars to pay for nannies, personal trainers, personal chefs and if all else fails surgery to nip and tuck everything in that they're still not quite happy with. This is not fucking inspirational, this is a crock, I'd be far more inspired by someone who has lost lots of weight under their own sheer hard work and determination, whilst working 5 days a week and looking after 4 kids, THAT'S INSPIRATIONAL.

But in saying that, how about just telling us that we are fine the way we are and if we are happy then that's fab, but if we aren't happy then making changes is awesome and if that's what makes us happy then YAY! WHY CAN'T YOU TELL US THIS? Stop telling us that we are fat and ugly and we should want to look like all these celebrities, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH US.

And all these ads are of course targeted at women, there are no ads telling men that if they do this, that and the other that they'll look like hot celeb men, so stop telling this shit to us, we don't want to fucking hear this bullshit anymore.

And you know what, I'm sure there's something on these celebs bodies that they don't like either, but hardly anyone ever tells you that, no one is fucking perfect, no one, and if anyone thinks that they are then I call bullshit on that, BULLSHIT.

Oh and I lost the majority of my weight just by changing my eating whilst looking after a family of 5 which includes 3 small children, SO THERE'S THAT!

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